Tuesday, June 23, 2009

When do I Stop?

I always said that I would try to breastfeed until my child was at least 2. I wanted to let Kenneth self wean. I even wanted to try to tandem nurse. I don't even have that option now. That makes me very sad. We are most likely going to stop at two children. So unless we have a third, that will not happen. I held onto hope that maybe he would show interest again and I would be able to stop pumping. I don't think that will happen. I think there would be many people would think I would be crazy to try to nurse my almost 16 month old. And you know what, I wouldn't care. Breastfeeding is what is natural. I still feel guilty that I have to give him a bottle. I am just revealed that I am able to put what is best for him in that bottle, breast milk.

At this point I am not sure how long I want to continue to pump. I feel like I should pump until he is at least 2 years old. He still wants his bottle in the morning and at night. I am still taking Motilium and pumping three times a day for him. He is given whole milk at day care in a sippy cup. At home he is given juice in a sippy cup. He is sure to let you know what he really wants though. And most of the time when mommy is around, he wants his bottle!

I am so thankful that I am still pumping for him. When he is sick he doesn't eat much solid food. All he will do is drink. So I don't know what I would have done had I not had breast milk for him. He doesn't want much of anything else. I guess you could say it is his comfort food. So I am just elated that I didn't stop pumping a month or two ago when I felt done with it. It is just so hard to keep up with. I still have to plan things around pumping. I would be so much happier if I could just have it easy and be able to breastfeed. I just wish there was something more I could have done to make it work.

I still struggle with how long I want to continue to pump. I really don't know when I should say, enough is enough. We were originally going to start trying to conceive our second this month. We think 2 years or more would be a good split. We are thinking that we will wait until Kenneth turns 2. That will make the split closer to 3 years. I just want to continue to provide him with breast milk. Whenever I stop, we will try to conceive. So it is a struggle with me to pick between providing what I think is best for my son and choosing to build our family. I think it would be selfish of me to stop just so I can try for another child.

So at this point I am going to let Kenneth self wean from the bottle. It is the closest link I have to breastfeeding. So I am just going to go with it. I know there are a lot of people that think I am crazy to make this choice. It is my choice to make! I think it is the best choice for my son and my family. We all have to do what we think is best.