The journey will continue. We are expecting #2 now! We are so excited. We knew it was possible this cycle, we just didn't think it was all that likely. So now I need to make sure I educate myself as much as possible in the next 36ish weeks! I have all the books I want, I just need to find the time to read them all!
I am also going to do my best to make sure that I have a VBAC. I hope that we will be able to afford a doula. I am going to save up as much as I can and hope for the best. I want to find someone that has experience with VBACs.
We have our nurses visit on the 6th and a doctors visit for a dating ultrasound since I am not sure about the date. I think I am around 4 weeks. I am not positive though. So I am excited to find out how close my guess is based on when I think I ovulated.
Oh, it would figure that I just stocked up on mama cloth that I was going to use for the first time at the end of this cycle. Looks like I am going to have to wait a bit longer to try them out now ;)
What do I need to do:
~Plan out what books I am going to read and when.
~Look for a few doulas in the Charlottesville, VA area.
~Find out about the LLL meetings and start to go to them again.
~Find out what classes are being offered at the hospital and plan out which ones I want to go to.
~Start planning my cloth diaper stash for the new one!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
No more meds
I took my last Motilium pill today. Well, my last one for this child. I still have 200 pills that I am going to save just in case I need them for the next one. I just want to be ready. I am mixed about this though.
It is so weird to be near the end. I have been pumping for so long now. I don't know how long my supply will stay up without the pills. I am only pumping 2 times a day. So we will see what happens. I am going to shorten the time that I pump too. I just feel free to not be dependent on meds.
We are now working on our second. So it will be interesting to see when we get the positive test this time. Then I get to put into practice everything I have learned. I can't wait to give breastfeeding another shot!
It is so weird to be near the end. I have been pumping for so long now. I don't know how long my supply will stay up without the pills. I am only pumping 2 times a day. So we will see what happens. I am going to shorten the time that I pump too. I just feel free to not be dependent on meds.
We are now working on our second. So it will be interesting to see when we get the positive test this time. Then I get to put into practice everything I have learned. I can't wait to give breastfeeding another shot!
Monday, October 12, 2009
I have been pumping how long?
I just looked back through my posts to see how long I had been pumping. It has been about 16 months. I also pumped for a little over the first month. It has been so long that I didn't realize that I only went around 2 months without pumping. It just amazes me that I have gone this long! It is so hard too. I am just so happy that I have been able to provide my son with breast milk for most of his life. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something when I still feel that I failed at breastfeeding.
It has made me so much stronger though in terms of any future children. I have learned so much. I get excited at the thought of being able to give my next child the best possible start. I look forward to only being a slave to my pump at work. I look forward to maybe being able to bring my next child with me until they are crawling.
We are thinking about trying for the next one in early 2010. That really still depends on Kenneth. So we will see where he is at. I really hope that he wants a little brother or sister by then ;)
It has made me so much stronger though in terms of any future children. I have learned so much. I get excited at the thought of being able to give my next child the best possible start. I look forward to only being a slave to my pump at work. I look forward to maybe being able to bring my next child with me until they are crawling.
We are thinking about trying for the next one in early 2010. That really still depends on Kenneth. So we will see where he is at. I really hope that he wants a little brother or sister by then ;)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
When do I Stop?
I always said that I would try to breastfeed until my child was at least 2. I wanted to let Kenneth self wean. I even wanted to try to tandem nurse. I don't even have that option now. That makes me very sad. We are most likely going to stop at two children. So unless we have a third, that will not happen. I held onto hope that maybe he would show interest again and I would be able to stop pumping. I don't think that will happen. I think there would be many people would think I would be crazy to try to nurse my almost 16 month old. And you know what, I wouldn't care. Breastfeeding is what is natural. I still feel guilty that I have to give him a bottle. I am just revealed that I am able to put what is best for him in that bottle, breast milk.
At this point I am not sure how long I want to continue to pump. I feel like I should pump until he is at least 2 years old. He still wants his bottle in the morning and at night. I am still taking Motilium and pumping three times a day for him. He is given whole milk at day care in a sippy cup. At home he is given juice in a sippy cup. He is sure to let you know what he really wants though. And most of the time when mommy is around, he wants his bottle!
I am so thankful that I am still pumping for him. When he is sick he doesn't eat much solid food. All he will do is drink. So I don't know what I would have done had I not had breast milk for him. He doesn't want much of anything else. I guess you could say it is his comfort food. So I am just elated that I didn't stop pumping a month or two ago when I felt done with it. It is just so hard to keep up with. I still have to plan things around pumping. I would be so much happier if I could just have it easy and be able to breastfeed. I just wish there was something more I could have done to make it work.
I still struggle with how long I want to continue to pump. I really don't know when I should say, enough is enough. We were originally going to start trying to conceive our second this month. We think 2 years or more would be a good split. We are thinking that we will wait until Kenneth turns 2. That will make the split closer to 3 years. I just want to continue to provide him with breast milk. Whenever I stop, we will try to conceive. So it is a struggle with me to pick between providing what I think is best for my son and choosing to build our family. I think it would be selfish of me to stop just so I can try for another child.
So at this point I am going to let Kenneth self wean from the bottle. It is the closest link I have to breastfeeding. So I am just going to go with it. I know there are a lot of people that think I am crazy to make this choice. It is my choice to make! I think it is the best choice for my son and my family. We all have to do what we think is best.
At this point I am not sure how long I want to continue to pump. I feel like I should pump until he is at least 2 years old. He still wants his bottle in the morning and at night. I am still taking Motilium and pumping three times a day for him. He is given whole milk at day care in a sippy cup. At home he is given juice in a sippy cup. He is sure to let you know what he really wants though. And most of the time when mommy is around, he wants his bottle!
I am so thankful that I am still pumping for him. When he is sick he doesn't eat much solid food. All he will do is drink. So I don't know what I would have done had I not had breast milk for him. He doesn't want much of anything else. I guess you could say it is his comfort food. So I am just elated that I didn't stop pumping a month or two ago when I felt done with it. It is just so hard to keep up with. I still have to plan things around pumping. I would be so much happier if I could just have it easy and be able to breastfeed. I just wish there was something more I could have done to make it work.
I still struggle with how long I want to continue to pump. I really don't know when I should say, enough is enough. We were originally going to start trying to conceive our second this month. We think 2 years or more would be a good split. We are thinking that we will wait until Kenneth turns 2. That will make the split closer to 3 years. I just want to continue to provide him with breast milk. Whenever I stop, we will try to conceive. So it is a struggle with me to pick between providing what I think is best for my son and choosing to build our family. I think it would be selfish of me to stop just so I can try for another child.
So at this point I am going to let Kenneth self wean from the bottle. It is the closest link I have to breastfeeding. So I am just going to go with it. I know there are a lot of people that think I am crazy to make this choice. It is my choice to make! I think it is the best choice for my son and my family. We all have to do what we think is best.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Motilium
I just made what I hope is my last order of Domperidone. My dosage had been all the way up to 4-10 mg tablets 4 times a day. I went up to that dosage slowly and weaned my way down slowly. I had been down to 5-10 tablets – 3 in the morning and 2 in the evening. Last week my supply plummeted when I got the stomach flu. So I am now back to 3-10 mg tablets 3 times a day. I fear that I am going to have to up the dosage even more.
Getting everything to be just right so that you have enough milk for your child is so hard. Most moms have no choice but to work. Most places of business are required by law to give nursing mothers a place to express milk. The place they give you is not always the greatest though. I started out in a dark room. YES, a place where they practice making copies of x-rays! How fun that was. After almost being exposed one too many times, I asked if they could find me another place to pump. My supervisor was wonderful! She was able to find me an unoccupied office to use. The door has been knocked on once. Other than that it has been smooth sailing.
Every day I struggle with pumping. I really hate it. I hate the whole process of cleaning and putting together all the parts. I really do not get why someone would choose to exclusively pump over breastfeeding. The only reason I continue is to make sure that my son gets the best possible start to life. I really wish that he would have gotten the hang of things so that I would only be pumping at work. There is always the next one!
My plan is to keep pumping until June 2009. That is when we plan to start trying to make Kenneth a little sister or brother. I have a feeling the only way I am going to start to ovulate again is by stopping the Motilium. Kenneth doesn’t seem to want anything to do with solids and a sippy cup. I really hope that changes before June. If it doesn’t, then we will push back trying to conceive again. I will stay a slave to my pump for as long as my son needs me to be.
In a little over 3 months I will have made it to the 1 year mark. I can’t believe how much time has gone by. I am so proud that I was able to get my supply back and not have to give him formula anymore. And with the way the economy is, formula is one less thing we have to worry about paying for. Now if we could only get day care to use cloth diapers…
Getting everything to be just right so that you have enough milk for your child is so hard. Most moms have no choice but to work. Most places of business are required by law to give nursing mothers a place to express milk. The place they give you is not always the greatest though. I started out in a dark room. YES, a place where they practice making copies of x-rays! How fun that was. After almost being exposed one too many times, I asked if they could find me another place to pump. My supervisor was wonderful! She was able to find me an unoccupied office to use. The door has been knocked on once. Other than that it has been smooth sailing.
Every day I struggle with pumping. I really hate it. I hate the whole process of cleaning and putting together all the parts. I really do not get why someone would choose to exclusively pump over breastfeeding. The only reason I continue is to make sure that my son gets the best possible start to life. I really wish that he would have gotten the hang of things so that I would only be pumping at work. There is always the next one!
My plan is to keep pumping until June 2009. That is when we plan to start trying to make Kenneth a little sister or brother. I have a feeling the only way I am going to start to ovulate again is by stopping the Motilium. Kenneth doesn’t seem to want anything to do with solids and a sippy cup. I really hope that changes before June. If it doesn’t, then we will push back trying to conceive again. I will stay a slave to my pump for as long as my son needs me to be.
In a little over 3 months I will have made it to the 1 year mark. I can’t believe how much time has gone by. I am so proud that I was able to get my supply back and not have to give him formula anymore. And with the way the economy is, formula is one less thing we have to worry about paying for. Now if we could only get day care to use cloth diapers…
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
This is sad to say...
I think I am going to have to give up on my dream to breastfeed Kenneth again. No matter what I try I am not able to get him to do anything but bite. I do not see this as the end of the road or as a failure. I was able to breastfeed him again and have the picture to prove it. I will keep that in my mind forever!
I have learned SO much and have been able to help others. My son and I have been able to bond in other ways. This was not all for nothing. I was able to get my full supply back. He has not needed formula in ages. He is happy and healthy!
I will continue to learn as much as I can. We plan to have at least one more child. So when baby #2 is born, I will keep down this road and learn from my mistakes. Things are going to be very different next time. In a way I am happy that this happened with Kenneth so that I did so much more research.
For the next one I will know the following:
~I can get help at home if I am not able to leave the house.
~No nipple shield unless my milk has come in AND nothing else is working.
~No finger feeding. I can supplement what I pump at the breast.
~SKIN-TO-SKIN all the time!
~Let the baby root and initiate the first feeding.
~Call the lactation consultant in as much as possible.
~Let the baby feed as often as he or she wants and for as long as he or she wants.
~Make sure the latch is correct.
~LLL meetings are a must.
I am sure I will come up with more to add. So this is not the end of the blog. I will continue to post little reminders for next time. When #2 does come around, the posts will pick up again. This is a road that will not end until our family is complete and the last one has self weaned!
I have learned SO much and have been able to help others. My son and I have been able to bond in other ways. This was not all for nothing. I was able to get my full supply back. He has not needed formula in ages. He is happy and healthy!
I will continue to learn as much as I can. We plan to have at least one more child. So when baby #2 is born, I will keep down this road and learn from my mistakes. Things are going to be very different next time. In a way I am happy that this happened with Kenneth so that I did so much more research.
For the next one I will know the following:
~I can get help at home if I am not able to leave the house.
~No nipple shield unless my milk has come in AND nothing else is working.
~No finger feeding. I can supplement what I pump at the breast.
~SKIN-TO-SKIN all the time!
~Let the baby root and initiate the first feeding.
~Call the lactation consultant in as much as possible.
~Let the baby feed as often as he or she wants and for as long as he or she wants.
~Make sure the latch is correct.
~LLL meetings are a must.
I am sure I will come up with more to add. So this is not the end of the blog. I will continue to post little reminders for next time. When #2 does come around, the posts will pick up again. This is a road that will not end until our family is complete and the last one has self weaned!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Why?
I just don't get it. I can get him to nurse once and a while. So I know he knows how. So why on earth will he not do it every time I try. I am so angry I could cry right now. And I hate myself because I am partly angry at him. It isn't his fault though. He doesn't understand what is going on. I don't understand why it doesn't work. Breastfeeding is supposed to be a natural thing! So then why the heck isn't it that way for me. Why do I have to be the one that struggles! I just feel so cheated and sad. I feel like I am going to fail. Which just makes me think back to all of my plans that fell through and makes me blame myself. If only I had done this or that! It just isn't fair.
The breastfeeding world of mine sucks right now. All the feeling I had when he first started to reject the breast in his first month of life are coming back to me. I feel like he is rejecting me. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I feel like I am torturing him by trying to breastfeed him. I know none of those things are true, but it feels that way when it is happening.
It really seems like the more effort I put forward the harder he resists. So I keep taking breaks from trying. I think now is another one of those times I am going to have to step back for a few days until I can regroup. At the same time it makes me crazy to do that. It makes me feel like a quitter even though I know I am just taking a little break for my sake and Kenneth's.
I just want to be able to breastfeed my son like all the other mothers I know do. It hurts so much knowing that I might not have that day again. And I just can't stop crying right now. Why? I just can't type anymore right now...
The breastfeeding world of mine sucks right now. All the feeling I had when he first started to reject the breast in his first month of life are coming back to me. I feel like he is rejecting me. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I feel like I am torturing him by trying to breastfeed him. I know none of those things are true, but it feels that way when it is happening.
It really seems like the more effort I put forward the harder he resists. So I keep taking breaks from trying. I think now is another one of those times I am going to have to step back for a few days until I can regroup. At the same time it makes me crazy to do that. It makes me feel like a quitter even though I know I am just taking a little break for my sake and Kenneth's.
I just want to be able to breastfeed my son like all the other mothers I know do. It hurts so much knowing that I might not have that day again. And I just can't stop crying right now. Why? I just can't type anymore right now...
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