The Road Back to Breastfeeding and Beyond

11 Weeks and Counting

2010-12-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

Things are still going so well. Sydney will start daycare on Monday. Next week is our transition week. I say it is for her, but I think it is more for me. I am in total denial that I have to go back to work and she therefore needs to go to daycare. I will use next week to make sure she is going to take to the bottle. I have about 40 oz of milk in the freezer. I am going to send her with two 3 oz bottles the first day since I do not plan to leave her there the whole day. I also don't know how much she is going to eat or how often. Everything is so different with a bottle. My son was already on bottles since he had a mix of formula and breast milk in a bottle. So there were no worries. I had it all down. Now it is going to be new and I have no real clue how much I will pump while she is gone.

My real fear is that she is going to refuse the bottle. She has been real up and down about taking it. She will scream her head off to the point of exhaustion at times and still not take the bottle. Other times it is no problem. I just wish I could get a doctors note to say I have to stay at home with her until she is a year old. At that point it is ok to try to introduce cows milk. Plus, I am hopeful that she will take to whole foods better than he brother did/does. He still tries to make milk his main source of food. It hasn't been breast milk in almost a year now.

And after all the work I did, he said he wanted to try some at almost the age of three. Why couldn't he have thought of that soon after he was born. Then I most likely would be nursing him and his sister still. Oh the pictures would have been so cute! I just changed the subject. It just didn't feel right. I did consider it though.

I am still thinking this time around that I have a forceful let down. I might have a bit of an over supply too. I wake her to eat sometimes to get some relief. Things might still be regulating though. I will see what happens after I am back at work for a while. If I pump more than she needs, I will save it until she is close to a year. I want to make sure she has more than enough until she is one in case something were to happen to me. At that point I will donate if she doesn't need it.

This brings me to Eats On Feets. This is a wonderful program for mothers with over supply to be able to help mothers with under or no supply. No there is no screening or testing and there are risks. Thing is, there are risks with formula too. Babies have died from formula. Find me one story where a baby has died from breast milk! It is a really great way to help local moms if you have more than you need. I have the link for Virginia as well as the main link. Find the one for your area and get help or give it :)

7 Weeks and going strong

2010-11-06T19:12:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to post forever and give an update. Long story short, things are going great. I am tying one handed right now because my daughter is NURSING! That is so nice to type. A little hard to do, but I never got to with Kenneth.

This greatness does not come without worry. When I first nursed her I was worried that she would have a lazy latch or one of many latch issues. I worried as I got closer to the time that my supply dried up that it would happen again. I worried that once we introduced the bottle that she would reject the breast. I have made it past all of those, but there are more worries to come.

I am worried about going back to work in five weeks. I am worried about how many bottles she will need. How much should I put in each bottle? Will she drink for them or wait and cluster feed while I am with her? Will I be able to pump enough for her while at work? Will I be able to build a stash for her over the next 5 weeks for her first day and to give her a bottle each week?

I just want her to self wean after a year and for us to keep this bond. I would love it if we made it to two years. I almost made it to that pumping for Kenneth. Well, 7 weeks down...

Sydney's Birth Story

2010-10-09T12:47:00.000-04:00

I am going to type up everything to the best of my ability. Some things are a little foggy at the three week mark. I can say with certainty that I am sitting here at the lap top with my boppy around my waist and my beautiful daughter curled up to me milk drunk!

Sydney was due on September 14, 2010. All the doctors appointments resulted in me being told that she was high, no effacement, and no dilation. The week before her due date, I had contractions that would start as soon as I would get home from work and then would stop as soon as I was getting ready for work the next day. I had told everyone that my last day of work would most likely be Friday the 17th. I just couldn't take the comments at work anymore. There were random people that would tell me that she would be here really soon. And then there were the...you haven't had that baby yet comments too!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010 ended up being my last day of work. That night my contractions became so strong I couldn't do much of anything. They were not consistent though. They were anywhere from 1-45 minutes apart and 30-90 seconds long. My next appointment with my OBGYN was on Thursday morning. I went in expecting to have made all kinds of progress. As it turns out I was just 1 cm dilated at my Thursday morning appointment.

All day Thursday and Friday I continued to have very intense contractions. They were 1-15 minutes apart and at least 45 seconds long. The majority were closer to 2 minutes long. There was some bloody show and I was loosing my plug. I tried to do a few last minute things to get ready for her to come. Most of Wednesday night and all of Thursday night I had to sleep alone in the baby room. It was just too hard to crawl out of bed between my son and husband. I called my doula to let her know where things stood. She told me that she had another client that was at the same point as me and that she did have a back up. I told her that it was fine.

From 10:30 PM until 12 AM my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart. So I went up to bed in hopes that I could get a little rest before needing to go to the hospital. It was so hard to get around on my own. I just wanted to stay on the toilet. So that is where I went as soon as I got upstairs. And that is when the contractions picked up. They were a minute or less apart. It was to the point where I couldn't tell where one ended and the next began. So I was trapped in the bathroom for at least 30 minutes before I could make it to the phone to call mt husband. Yelling for him was not an option since he was in the basement.

Just before 1 AM we got the call back from my OB. He told us to head to head to the hospital. I didn't even think to call my doula. Plus, if it was a back-up, I didn't want someone new in addition to the nurses. I also thought things were going to go really fast. So it seemed pointless and I didn't give it a second thought.

We got to the hospital some time after 1 AM. I thought I was going to throw up. I hated the car ride. The main road was under construction. So it was a bumpy ride! They got me in a wheel chair and up to the fourth floor so fast. I felt like it was a race. They checked me when I got up there and I was in the 2-3 cm range. When Dr. W got there he checked me and he talked to me about breaking my water. It was so nice to be able to talk about it and be ASKED if that was what I wanted. Since the contractions were still intense and had slowed down, we went ahead and broke my water to try to keep things going in the right direction. They also started the IV at this point since I was a VBAC hopeful.

I had intended to go through this birth with no drugs. Around 5 AM I asked for pain meds. I took 3 doses and they didn't work for me at that point. I was in the 5 cm dilated range at that point. The nurse worked with me all morning on the ball and in different positions. I did not want to bounce on the ball at all. That created killer contractions for me.

I lasted until about 11 AM before I asked for the epidural. I wasn't relaxing and I needed something to help me relax or I wouldn't make anymore progress. It wasn't as bad as I thought to get the epidural. There was one small area on my right where it didn't work. And my left side was totally numb. My arms were just fine though. I was in such a good mood at that point and was able to relax and get some sleep. When I woke up I was in the 8-9 cm dilated range. She made it to -1. I believe I was close to 100% effaced. This was around 1 PM. He talked to me about starting pitocin. My contractions were not as strong and consistent as they needed to be for me to get a baby out. She was doing great her stats were beautiful. So there were still things we could try. They started the pitocin soon after 1 PM. They kept increasing it since both Sydney and I were fine.

I was still at 9 cm around 4 PM. Dr. W said that I could try pushing and see if I make any progress since she didn't want to drop lower than -1. She would while I push. He said that the last little bit was floppy and not in the way. He would let me try to push for 2 hours. The nurse, my husband and I worked on pushing during ever contraction for a little over 2 hours. We tried as many different positions as I could with the pitocin. I made it to 10 cm except for one small lip on the right side. But she still would not drop past -1.

We tried everything that we could. I was running a fever and Sydney's stats we not as perfect as they could be. She wouldn't drop and so a section was the only option. I felt good about it this time. All I wanted was a positive birth experience where I was asked what to do next and given time to talk things over before they were done. So around 6 PM I told Dr. W lets do a section. They gave me more meds and made sure I was numb again.

Saturday, September 18, 2010, Sydney Michelle was born at 6:31 PM via cesarean section. She was 7 lbs. 8.5 ozs. and 21 inches long. We found out why she wouldn't drop anymore. The cord was around her neck THREE times! She was just fine as soon as they took it off her. She was perfect and didn't have any issues in the hospital. I on the other hand had to go through all kinds of tests. I will save that part of the story for later.

We have been exclusively breastfeeding on demand for 3 weeks now!

Full Moon on the 12th

2010-09-04T08:22:00.000-04:00

Wohoo! I am now able to post from my iPod. It is the little things that make me happy. Another thing to make me happy is that it is a three day weekend and my birthday is on Monday, Labor Day. One of these days I am going to have to check and see if I was born on Labor Day. That would be amusing to me.

Had my appointment with Dr. W on Thursday. Sydney is still happy right where she is. So I am most likely in for a wait. And I am going to take advantage of it. I ordered and downloaded some hipnobabies mp3s. Two are for VBAC moms and one is for come out baby. I figure it can't hurt to try. They do relax you. I listened to one last night and relaxed so much I fell asleep!

This weekend I am going to be getting things all set up for her. We have the basics already. I just want to set up some more diaper change stations and get all her diapers ready. And I need to wash her wipes. All of her clothing is washed. There are still a few things on the way from great grandma. And the car seats are set up in my car. Now my husband needs to get his done!

I also wonder if the full moon will do anything for her or if she isn't a fan of tales like that.

And I have her coming home outfit. It is so cute! I am just worried that it might be too small for her. We will just have to see. I do have a backup outfit ready for her just in case. So things could get interesting! So all baby come soon vibes are welcome ;)

Almost 38 weeks...WHAT?!?!?

2010-08-29T23:18:00.002-04:00

It has been way too long since I have posted an update. And now for a little funny. I got on here to see when my last post was. I knew I had gotten as far as a title on one. Guess what the title was? "Almost 34 weeks! WHAT?!?!?!?" So yeah...I tried to stay on top of things and failed! I am in total sock at this point.

So what has been going on. I have been keeping my weight in check. I started this pregnancy with about 10 more pounds than I had at the start of Kenneth's pregnancy. The wonderful part is, I am still around 30 pounds away from my ending weight with Kenneth's pregnancy. The scary part is, I still have 2-3 weeks to keep this in check! And I still think it was the last few weeks with Kenneth that I gained all that weight. Granted, I saw that pregnancy as a free pass to eat whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. I am at least a little wiser this time around. Granted, with the amount of food I consumed today you wouldn't think so. But I had two salads...and I will not speak of the rest ;)

What else, I had my 37 week check up with Dr. W on Thursday. Sydney is still up high, -3, and no effacement or dilation yet. She is head down though. So I started up the evening primrose oil last week and my husband is keeping up on his end of the deal so to speak! It will be interesting to see what, if any progress she has made in the last week. I need to start walking again. It is just that my pelvis tends to feel like it is going to rip apart if I walk too much. But I need to do it. And my strep (GBS?) test was negative! So no IV or anything for me! So excited about that. I gave him a very simple birth plan with three things on it. No IV or hep lock, no pit after birth, and no clamping/cutting of the cord until it stops pulsing. And he is just fine with all of that. Things are going to be so different!

And I met with my doula, M, last weekend. She went over more things with me. She is really great and I can't wait to have her there to help my husband and I through this. I just can't say enough about her and yet I am at a loss for words.

Hospital bag is more or less packed. I have a change of clothing for me, a change of clothing for Sydney (in case her outfit doesn't get here in time), some crackers, Gatorade, a pen, and a note book. I just don't feel like bringing a ton of crap. It is all in my husbands car already. We just have to remember the camera and maybe some flip flops for me.

All of Sydney's clothing has been washed. Most of her diapers have been washed. We have had dryer issues for a while. It turns out it is the duct that vents the dryer. We are going to get a new metal one on the 1st. So then I will be able to do laundry at home. We have been going over to the in-laws. It has been really nice though. I just wish I could go over there and spend some time without all the laundry for once.

And now I am getting to tired to think. I feel like there was so much more I wanted to say. I am really excited about this birth. I just need to trust in my body!

Feeling REFRESHED!

2010-07-05T13:33:00.002-04:00

Life has been really busy. I haven't been able to do as many updates as I wanted to. I thought my blog needed a little face lift. I feel like the old one looked a little glum. And glum is not what I want to think about when thinking about breastfeeding and my plan for a VBAC! I feel refreshed and I hope that is what the colors will show!

Updates... We found out that we are going to have a GIRL! That really scares me. I was scared of a boy. And now that I have one, I feel like I know what I am doing. So now I have to figure everything out all over again. EEK! She is healthy and seems to be right on track. Only 10 weeks and 1 day until her due date. We plan to name her Sydney. I have always loved the name.

The doula referral I was given seems to be a perfect fit. Her and I seem to get along great and see eye to eye. She has been so helpful. She really knows how to reassure me and help me to trust my body. I look forward to working with her more as I get closer to 36 weeks.

It really feels like this pregnancy is going a little too fast. It seems like once you have one child, life is forever on fast forward. I just want to keep up and not miss a thing!

Hurt and Feeling Alone

2010-05-10T12:22:00.002-04:00

I got an e-mail from the woman that was going to be my doula this Saturday. I didn't hop onto the computer until this morning. She informed me that she has decided not to take on a second client her first month back after her child will be a few months old. She typically only takes 3 clients a month. She was going to take 2 her first month back in September. Her and her husband think it would be better for her to take one, as of this weekend.

I am CRUSHED! It seems like I have to take one big hit to my birthing plans each month. I have until September. I don't think I can take any more hits like this. I feel like everything is falling apart and like I am out of control.

She offered to send me a list of doulas. I have already looked into everyone in the area. I told her to send me the list just in case. She was the only one I liked from the list. I am thinking that a doula is not going to happen for us this birth. I don't have the desire to look for another one right now. I just can't handle another rejection right now. Even though the longer I wait, the more likely there will not be any opening. I am 22 weeks along. What good doula isn't going to be filled right now anyway? That is the way I feel right now.

I also feel like I paid for the natural child birth class I am in was for nothing. I have read the books. I know the information. I was only there to get to know her better so that I would feel better about her being my doula. There are still 2 classes left. I can't bring myself to go to them. I just can't do that to myself or my son. He cried every night I went to class. I can't take that for nothing.

My plan now is to make my husband be my birth coach. He has less than 20 weeks to be HELPFUL ;) on the day I give birth. He said he would learn whatever I wanted him to. I haven't talked to him on the phone yet. I know as soon as I say the words and hear them that I will cry. I almost went home sick so I could have a nice cry. That is how hurt I feel by this.

I didn't really say much to the woman that was going to be my doula. I don't want her to feel bad about doing what she thinks is best for her family. I just wish I had known about this back in March.

CRUSHED: Home birth is out thanks to insurance

2010-04-13T22:47:00.002-04:00

I am completely crushed right now! In one day I went from thinking that I was finally going to get my home water birth to despising my insurance that has never let me down until this year!

I talked with my husband more about a home birth. He has never been serious about the talk until today. So I never knew how he really felt about it due to all of the jokes. Today he told me as long as it is safe, he is all for it. That he could do without sleeping in the hospital chairs. I of course let it all go to my head. I was planning everything out. Trying to think what room would be best to birth in. My mind was going wild with the possibilities. This is something that I have always dreamed of and never thought would happen due to support.

I was celebrating too soon though. The only way we could swing it is if insurance would cover most of it. For a hospital birth, I only need to pay $300 and insurance will cover everything else. And you want to know what they will cover for a home birth... NOTHING! I have been crying for the last hour because of wonderful Southern Health.

Thanks for crushing my dreams!

I need to move on though and try to stay positive. I need to make the best of what I do have. Can I just win a small Virginia lotto :/

The Business of Being Born

2010-04-07T13:47:00.003-04:00

I loved this documentary! I really wish that I had watched it before I had Kenneth. It has really opened my eyes. It really reaffirmed what I thought about intervention. And just in case "someone" isn't the only one that doesn't know what I mean by intervention, I will explain. Intervention, in terms of child birth, is anything that is not involved with natural child birth. They can be as slight as continuous fetal heartbeat monitoring. This was the first thing they hooked up to me with Kenneth. Hooking up the IV and/or hep lock. In my case I had an IV in one arm and a hep lock in the other. This makes it easier for the doctors and nurses to give you anything they please. Breaking your water so that they can attach an internal monitor to your baby. Then their are drugs used to induce, such as pitocin. This drug makes your contractions longer and stronger. Pain killers that can be given through an IV. It is already there and so it makes it so easy for you to say yes when asked. An epidural or spinal plug that is there to lessen the pain you feel from the waist down. And then the most invasive intervention, a cesarean section. These are just the ones that were used in my case, there are others.

Now don't get me wrong, I think there is a place for all of this. I do think there are some really great OBGYNs out there. I just think that there is a lack of understanding of how things should work for birth. A woman's body was made to withstand childbirth. We need to trust in our body. Know that our body will work with our baby. Know that the best and safest way to deliver a baby is vaginally. But also know that there is a small fraction that does need a section when things don't work the way they should. And we shouldn't feel like we failed no matter what. All we can do it provide the most comfortable birthing environment that we can and make informed choices about our birth to insure a safe mom and baby.

I don't think a home birth will work out for us. I still want to talk with the midwives that I would like to use if we change our mind. I want to know that I have options. I am not sure I would feel comfortable at home for many reasons. I don't think I would get all the support I am going to need to have the birth experience my baby and I deserve.

And an update on my doula search and a more understanding hospital and OBGYN. The only midwife that I can find that is covered by insurance is booked solid. So I am going after the OBGYN she works with. My doula (YES, I got the one I really wanted) is urging me to make sure I go with someone that I will be comfortable with and has similar beliefs about birth. Right now I am at an OBGYN practice. I think there is at least one of them that sees eye to eye with me. But I don't know for sure that he would be the one in the hospital. Also, I just don't feel warm and fuzzy about the hospital I delivered Kenneth at. And yes, I work there in a non-medical way. It is one of the reasons why I went with them. I also picked them since they have a NICU. If I go with the other hospital and NICU is needed, the baby will be transfered without me. But everything else told me to go with the other hospital. So I am going with my gut. And these hospitals are right down the street from each other. Therefore I still feel like the baby is safe no matter what happens. I am waiting for a call back to hopefully be set up as a new patient with Dr. W. I am so excited. I am feeling so optimistic about this right now.

An update on my to do list (that has changed some):
DONE:
1. Started my stash of cloth diapers for this new little one. Well...I have worked out trades and they are being worked on with a little help!
2. Find a doula. I am super excited about this. We still need to iron things out, but my spot is reserved.
3. Watched The Business of Being Born. Wish I had listened to my friends and watched this before Kenneth.
4. I did find out about the LLL meetings. I haven't been able to attend them yet due to weather and being sick. I will get there though!
5. I have picked out a few books I want to read. I just need to make it happen now.
6. I am signed up for the child birth class offered by my doula. They start next Wednesday and there are 6 of them. I just hope my husband is going to be able to make them all. He said he will try to make the first one. I hope to bring his mother along when he can't make it.

NEED TO DO:
1. I need to get an appointment with Dr. W. Please let him take me on as a new patient!
2. Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth...again.
3. Read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. Maybe come up with a short version for my husband. I have ordered the book and should have it on Friday!
4. Read The Silent Knife. I have been meaning to for a while now.
5. Read The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. It has been on the top of my list for a while.
6. Set up a meeting with the midwives.
7. Set up a meeting with my doula once I have talked with Dr. W or the midwives.
8. Set up a tour of the new hospital.
9. There are a few breastfeeding books that I want to read for the first time and again as well. I really want to make this work!

And now I must go find something to eat that is more nutritious than Easter candy!

Is a home birth in our future?

2010-04-06T12:36:00.002-04:00

I am now 17 weeks along. I have all kinds of questions going through my head. I really want to have a VBAC. I think a natural birth will also help with breastfeeding. I want as little intervention as possible. And the more I think about, the more I am not sure a hospital birth is right for me.

We are only about 5-10 minutes from the hospital if there is no traffic. I really wish there was a birth center here in Charlottesville. I believe there was at one time. So my only real options are home or hospital. If I am in the hospital, I want to make sure I have a doula I trust. I had the perfect one picked out. She is most likely full in September though. She is waiting on someone to get their contract in. I really hope they don't so that I can get her last spot. She seems wonderful. I will be starting in her child birth class next Wednesday. I believe it is going to be held at the midwife office that I am looking at if I do go with a home birth.

I really started to think hard about a home birth at my last OBGYN appointment last Wednesday. The doctor I was seeing that time is the same one that I saw after my section. And as soon as he walked in my heart started to race and not in a good way. It really made me freak out. It brought back bad memories of what happened with Kenneth. He was born healthy and I am so thankful for that. I just wish that everyone, including myself, had trusted my body a little more.

The only thing that is holding me back is money. A hospital birth will cost me $300. If I get the doula I want, it will be another $500. A home birth will cost me at least $3000. I don't think my insurance will cover any of it. So I might try to sell off some of the things we have in the house to fund this. A little Spring cleaning!

I still really need to talk it over with my husband and see where we stand. I think our family will be against it all the way. And so I am just worried. I just want things to work out for the best. And I just don't know what is best right now.

Expecting #2

2009-12-30T14:39:00.002-05:00

The journey will continue. We are expecting #2 now! We are so excited. We knew it was possible this cycle, we just didn't think it was all that likely. So now I need to make sure I educate myself as much as possible in the next 36ish weeks! I have all the books I want, I just need to find the time to read them all!

I am also going to do my best to make sure that I have a VBAC. I hope that we will be able to afford a doula. I am going to save up as much as I can and hope for the best. I want to find someone that has experience with VBACs.

We have our nurses visit on the 6th and a doctors visit for a dating ultrasound since I am not sure about the date. I think I am around 4 weeks. I am not positive though. So I am excited to find out how close my guess is based on when I think I ovulated.

Oh, it would figure that I just stocked up on mama cloth that I was going to use for the first time at the end of this cycle. Looks like I am going to have to wait a bit longer to try them out now ;)

What do I need to do:
~Plan out what books I am going to read and when.
~Look for a few doulas in the Charlottesville, VA area.
~Find out about the LLL meetings and start to go to them again.
~Find out what classes are being offered at the hospital and plan out which ones I want to go to.
~Start planning my cloth diaper stash for the new one!

No more meds

2009-12-22T20:27:00.002-05:00

I took my last Motilium pill today. Well, my last one for this child. I still have 200 pills that I am going to save just in case I need them for the next one. I just want to be ready. I am mixed about this though.

It is so weird to be near the end. I have been pumping for so long now. I don't know how long my supply will stay up without the pills. I am only pumping 2 times a day. So we will see what happens. I am going to shorten the time that I pump too. I just feel free to not be dependent on meds.

We are now working on our second. So it will be interesting to see when we get the positive test this time. Then I get to put into practice everything I have learned. I can't wait to give breastfeeding another shot!

I have been pumping how long?

2009-10-12T14:47:00.002-04:00

I just looked back through my posts to see how long I had been pumping. It has been about 16 months. I also pumped for a little over the first month. It has been so long that I didn't realize that I only went around 2 months without pumping. It just amazes me that I have gone this long! It is so hard too. I am just so happy that I have been able to provide my son with breast milk for most of his life. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something when I still feel that I failed at breastfeeding.

It has made me so much stronger though in terms of any future children. I have learned so much. I get excited at the thought of being able to give my next child the best possible start. I look forward to only being a slave to my pump at work. I look forward to maybe being able to bring my next child with me until they are crawling.

We are thinking about trying for the next one in early 2010. That really still depends on Kenneth. So we will see where he is at. I really hope that he wants a little brother or sister by then ;)

When do I Stop?

2009-06-23T20:31:00.002-04:00

I always said that I would try to breastfeed until my child was at least 2. I wanted to let Kenneth self wean. I even wanted to try to tandem nurse. I don't even have that option now. That makes me very sad. We are most likely going to stop at two children. So unless we have a third, that will not happen. I held onto hope that maybe he would show interest again and I would be able to stop pumping. I don't think that will happen. I think there would be many people would think I would be crazy to try to nurse my almost 16 month old. And you know what, I wouldn't care. Breastfeeding is what is natural. I still feel guilty that I have to give him a bottle. I am just revealed that I am able to put what is best for him in that bottle, breast milk.

At this point I am not sure how long I want to continue to pump. I feel like I should pump until he is at least 2 years old. He still wants his bottle in the morning and at night. I am still taking Motilium and pumping three times a day for him. He is given whole milk at day care in a sippy cup. At home he is given juice in a sippy cup. He is sure to let you know what he really wants though. And most of the time when mommy is around, he wants his bottle!

I am so thankful that I am still pumping for him. When he is sick he doesn't eat much solid food. All he will do is drink. So I don't know what I would have done had I not had breast milk for him. He doesn't want much of anything else. I guess you could say it is his comfort food. So I am just elated that I didn't stop pumping a month or two ago when I felt done with it. It is just so hard to keep up with. I still have to plan things around pumping. I would be so much happier if I could just have it easy and be able to breastfeed. I just wish there was something more I could have done to make it work.

I still struggle with how long I want to continue to pump. I really don't know when I should say, enough is enough. We were originally going to start trying to conceive our second this month. We think 2 years or more would be a good split. We are thinking that we will wait until Kenneth turns 2. That will make the split closer to 3 years. I just want to continue to provide him with breast milk. Whenever I stop, we will try to conceive. So it is a struggle with me to pick between providing what I think is best for my son and choosing to build our family. I think it would be selfish of me to stop just so I can try for another child.

So at this point I am going to let Kenneth self wean from the bottle. It is the closest link I have to breastfeeding. So I am just going to go with it. I know there are a lot of people that think I am crazy to make this choice. It is my choice to make! I think it is the best choice for my son and my family. We all have to do what we think is best.

Motilium

2008-11-26T10:03:00.000-05:00

I just made what I hope is my last order of Domperidone. My dosage had been all the way up to 4-10 mg tablets 4 times a day. I went up to that dosage slowly and weaned my way down slowly. I had been down to 5-10 tablets – 3 in the morning and 2 in the evening. Last week my supply plummeted when I got the stomach flu. So I am now back to 3-10 mg tablets 3 times a day. I fear that I am going to have to up the dosage even more.

Getting everything to be just right so that you have enough milk for your child is so hard. Most moms have no choice but to work. Most places of business are required by law to give nursing mothers a place to express milk. The place they give you is not always the greatest though. I started out in a dark room. YES, a place where they practice making copies of x-rays! How fun that was. After almost being exposed one too many times, I asked if they could find me another place to pump. My supervisor was wonderful! She was able to find me an unoccupied office to use. The door has been knocked on once. Other than that it has been smooth sailing.

Every day I struggle with pumping. I really hate it. I hate the whole process of cleaning and putting together all the parts. I really do not get why someone would choose to exclusively pump over breastfeeding. The only reason I continue is to make sure that my son gets the best possible start to life. I really wish that he would have gotten the hang of things so that I would only be pumping at work. There is always the next one!

My plan is to keep pumping until June 2009. That is when we plan to start trying to make Kenneth a little sister or brother. I have a feeling the only way I am going to start to ovulate again is by stopping the Motilium. Kenneth doesn’t seem to want anything to do with solids and a sippy cup. I really hope that changes before June. If it doesn’t, then we will push back trying to conceive again. I will stay a slave to my pump for as long as my son needs me to be.

In a little over 3 months I will have made it to the 1 year mark. I can’t believe how much time has gone by. I am so proud that I was able to get my supply back and not have to give him formula anymore. And with the way the economy is, formula is one less thing we have to worry about paying for. Now if we could only get day care to use cloth diapers…

This is sad to say...

2008-11-12T09:01:00.003-05:00

I think I am going to have to give up on my dream to breastfeed Kenneth again. No matter what I try I am not able to get him to do anything but bite. I do not see this as the end of the road or as a failure. I was able to breastfeed him again and have the picture to prove it. I will keep that in my mind forever!

I have learned SO much and have been able to help others. My son and I have been able to bond in other ways. This was not all for nothing. I was able to get my full supply back. He has not needed formula in ages. He is happy and healthy!

I will continue to learn as much as I can. We plan to have at least one more child. So when baby #2 is born, I will keep down this road and learn from my mistakes. Things are going to be very different next time. In a way I am happy that this happened with Kenneth so that I did so much more research.

For the next one I will know the following:
~I can get help at home if I am not able to leave the house.
~No nipple shield unless my milk has come in AND nothing else is working.
~No finger feeding. I can supplement what I pump at the breast.
~SKIN-TO-SKIN all the time!
~Let the baby root and initiate the first feeding.
~Call the lactation consultant in as much as possible.
~Let the baby feed as often as he or she wants and for as long as he or she wants.
~Make sure the latch is correct.
~LLL meetings are a must.

I am sure I will come up with more to add. So this is not the end of the blog. I will continue to post little reminders for next time. When #2 does come around, the posts will pick up again. This is a road that will not end until our family is complete and the last one has self weaned!

Why?

2008-09-25T17:54:00.003-04:00

I just don't get it. I can get him to nurse once and a while. So I know he knows how. So why on earth will he not do it every time I try. I am so angry I could cry right now. And I hate myself because I am partly angry at him. It isn't his fault though. He doesn't understand what is going on. I don't understand why it doesn't work. Breastfeeding is supposed to be a natural thing! So then why the heck isn't it that way for me. Why do I have to be the one that struggles! I just feel so cheated and sad. I feel like I am going to fail. Which just makes me think back to all of my plans that fell through and makes me blame myself. If only I had done this or that! It just isn't fair.

The breastfeeding world of mine sucks right now. All the feeling I had when he first started to reject the breast in his first month of life are coming back to me. I feel like he is rejecting me. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I feel like I am torturing him by trying to breastfeed him. I know none of those things are true, but it feels that way when it is happening.

It really seems like the more effort I put forward the harder he resists. So I keep taking breaks from trying. I think now is another one of those times I am going to have to step back for a few days until I can regroup. At the same time it makes me crazy to do that. It makes me feel like a quitter even though I know I am just taking a little break for my sake and Kenneth's.

I just want to be able to breastfeed my son like all the other mothers I know do. It hurts so much knowing that I might not have that day again. And I just can't stop crying right now. Why? I just can't type anymore right now...

Help Dr. Jack Newman

2008-09-21T19:45:00.002-04:00

It made me VERY sad when I saw the following on Dr. Jack Newman's website:

WE NEED YOUR HELP!

AS OF SEPTEMBER 30TH WE WILL NO LONGER BE RECEIVING ANY PRIVATE FUNDING.
(GOVERNMENT FUNDING CEASED IN 2005)

WE NEED IMMEDIATE DONATIONS TO KEEP OUR CLINIC OPEN.
WITHOUT FUNDING, THE NEWMAN BREASTFEEDING CLINIC & INSTITUTE AND THIS VALUABLE WEBSITE AND ALL OUR EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES WILL DISAPPEAR.
FOR A CHARITABLE TAX RECEIPT PLEASE SEND YOUR DONATION TO www.canadianbreastfeedingfoundation.org.
Please direct your donation to NEWMAN BREASTFEEDING CLINIC

Thank you for your support.

I hope you will take the time to help the man who has helped me and many others like me! Every person who I have told to contact him has had a fast reply. Please help him so that I can continue to refer other mothers in need to him. I don't want him to go away! If it were not for him I wouldn't have this blog. If it were not for him I wouldn't have a supply. If it were not for him I wouldn't be making the strides with my son that I have. Don't let it end with me. I want his clinic to stay around to help other mothers just like me. Sure I can pass on some of the information I have learned. It would just be so much better to get even more information from the expert. Without our help...he will not be able to help others.

I thank you for your consideration!

3 AM

2008-09-13T08:07:00.002-04:00

Kenneth seems to do better in the VERY early morning hours! He woke up around 2:30 AM and wanted his bottle. After he was finished he was acting like he was still hungry. I was leaking at the time and in desperate need of being pumped or fed of off. So I gave him the breast. He of course bites away. So I put on the nipple shield and he goes to town.

My husband interrupts this process by deciding he finally wants to go to bed. So he comes up with both the chihuahuas and there is an ambush. Kenneth starts freaking out and that was the end of the nursing session. I figure he had to have gotten 2-3 ounces! This is the best progress we have made! I think he would have nursed longer with no distractions. I look at this as another step in the right direction! It is these wins that keep me going!

Please Don't Bite Me

2008-09-01T12:24:00.003-04:00

Well, when I came home on Friday I was determined that Kenneth was going to breastfeed. So I gave him one 3.5 oz bottle of breast milk. Then we went into the bedroom and lay on the bed together. All my little stinker wanted to do was bite. Can we say OUCH! So I just kept squirting milk in his mouth. I would bing him to the breast nervously bring him to the breast every time he opened wide and hope I get him off before he bites. He got me good a few times. We did have some success! He WAS breastfeeding for a little while.

Now I just have to work on his bite. Why did he have to get them early??? If it were not for those sharp little suckers I wouldn't be so scared to try again! I would just hate for him to break the skin and put a boob on the old dusty trail!

It is all about baby steps. I still see Friday as a win...even with the bite marks!

Watch and Learn Son!

2008-08-29T07:46:00.000-04:00

When I went to go pick up my son yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. When I got there he was in an exersaucer flirting with one of the moms. Guess what mom was doing – BREASTFEEDING! I was so pleased. I then went over to Kenneth and told him – in a voice loud enough for them all to hear – “Pay attention Kenneth. That is what you should be doing!”

I loved the fact that I saw another mother breastfeeding. Now granted, her 8 month old son is still a touch smaller than my almost 6 month old son. She was standing and breastfeeding with such ease. I struggled with the water works! She has issues getting her son to take a bottle. She was also very encouraging. At the same time she said he is at least getting breast milk. That is what I tell myself every time I don’t want to pump.

I have a 3 day weekend. Let us hope this is a break through weekend! I would love it if I had him breastfeeding again by his 6 month birthday on Monday! So please keep us in your thoughts this weekend. Send me all of the breastfeeding vibes you can. Let this be the weekend he finally gets it!

Freezer Stash

2008-08-12T07:47:00.002-04:00

I think I am going to have to start a freezer stash! WOW! Those are words I never thought I would say. It just amazes me how I have been able to get my supply back. I feel blessed. I haven't needed to make a single bottle of formula in over a week. The refrigerator is over stocked with bottles of breast milk ready to go.

As odd as it sounds I am nervous about starting a freezer stash. I am scared that I will put away to much and somehow ruin it. I know it is crazy. I am just overly protective of my milk. I had to work hard for it and the only place I want it to go is Kenneth's tummy.

On a semi side note...he hasn't gotten sick in almost 3 weeks! This is very rare for him. While he was on formula, he was sick every other week. Now if only breast milk could help with teething.

We haven't had much luck with breastfeeding. I think a lot of the problem right now is that he is teething and doesn't know what is going on. I want to get some good books and DVDs with pictures of babies breastfeeding. Maybe if he sees it he will get the hang of it faster. He is 5.5 months old now. I am not looking forward to the 6 month mark. I just don't want him to take to solids more than breast milk and mess with our future breastfeeding relationship.

I know a lot of my fears are just that...fears. But they still creep up there and get me thinking. I just wish it could be easier. But nothing in life is. I just can't give up...

STREP THROAT

2008-08-04T15:06:00.000-04:00

My new obstacle this weekend was strep throat. I was terrified that I was going give it to my son. I was also so weak and worn down that I struggled to carry my 18 lb 12 oz baby boy around on Friday and Saturday. It felt like he was a ton! I started to feel much better on Sunday. So we were still able to enjoy our Sunday walk in the carrier. It was such a beautiful day too!

All weekend my supply has been fluctuating. I am SO close to being able to toss every trace of formula out of my house. If I could just get up to 32 – 36 oz a day I would be set and possibly have some to store for a freezer stash! A freezer stash is something I never thought I would have. Now I see it as something that could happen. I just have to get better so I can see if my being sick is why things are slowing down in the milk department.

I have been able to empty the girls lately and get anywhere from .5 – 5 oz from each side. I have also been very nice to them by applying Lansinoh to them after every session. I think it is really helping. I don’t have pain while pumping anymore. Well, maybe for a second. But my nipples were getting to the point where they were going to give out if I didn’t start doing something more. I had been applying Lansinoh to them a few times a day. Then I read the container and it said after each feeding…so I am going after each pumping.

AND my lactation consultant is going to have my try a new type of bottle nipple. She wants me to get the Munchkin triflow. I have no clue what we are going to try, but we are going to do something new. Once I have a pack of them I am to call her and she is going to come over at some point this week and work with my son and me at home. That way he will not feel out of place. I don’t care how many different types of nipples I have to buy as long as Kenneth gets back to the breast. I will be so happy when I only have to pump at work and maybe one time at night! Life will be good again! So now I have to make sure that all visible areas look presentable.

I also asked my lactation consultant about the use of breast milk after it has already been offered once. My son’s day care will toss a whole bottle of breast milk if it hasn’t been used in an hour. I understand if it is formula, but we are talking about liquid gold here people. My lactation consultant said to take it home and offer it to him again. So I am going to be asking them not to dump it. I will put an ice pack in the cooler and they can put the bottles in there. I just can’t take seeing all my hard work go down the drain! I want my son to get every drop he can! I will report on what they say.

I feel like we are on the verge of a breastfeeding breakthrough. I don’t know why…but I just feel it…

OVERFLOW

2008-07-31T11:10:00.001-04:00

Well, I think I may have figured out what gets my milk flowing…SLEEP! Here I am sitting at work pumping and I start to doze off. I then hear a funny noise. I look down to see the little canister overflowing onto my pants. So I turn the pump off, not knowing what else to do since I am all strapped in! I didn’t want to stop the milk flow just to get it started again. So I quickly take the storage containers off and put new ones on. I then start the pump up again to get my full 15 minutes in!

So today I made a record pumping session of at least 6 oz!!!! BUT…I now have to walk around with milk on my pants. I wonder when the smell will kick in…sigh! I wonder how the next session will go. I might try the sleeping technique again. If 6 oz. is going to be the norm, I am going to need to switch back to the Medela bottles to pump into! I just hope I don’t jinx myself and not pump this much again. I will just have to wait and see…

Updates to follow…

We will just say that the rest of the day wasn't as good. It was pretty normal. What is frustrating is that they still feel somewhat full when the 15 minutes is up. I always hand express as much as I can after...but it still feels like there is more. The one exception is when I pumped the 6 oz. They felt empty after that! UGH!

Booby Talk

2008-07-29T05:36:00.002-04:00

Early mornings is typically when I am able to make steps forward. This morning he did what I have been calling booby talk. He latched on and maybe sucks a little. Then he talks with my breast in his mouth. His favorite is saying what sounds like mum mum mum. It is funny to listed to. The whole time I keep him happy. If he fusses I will give him a little of his bottle.

So then when we lay down to go to bed he always turns his head from side to side. This is when I have had some success as well. Sometimes, if there is boob where his mouth can get he will latch on and sometimes suck. So this morning he did the same thing. He would take the breast in his mouth and suck once or twice and then turn away.

It really is about baby steps. He isn't screaming his head off when I offer him the breast. That is a plus in my book!

HE NURSED!!!!!

2008-07-27T19:38:00.005-04:00

Now to talk about the little success that I had on July 9, 2008 around 3:30 AM. He had about an oz. left in his 4 oz. bottle. He was being a little fidgety and so I took the bottle away. And gave him a boob. He latched on to each of them for at least a minute. Well he was off and on them. I don't know if he got anything out and I know he didn't have the greatest latch...but I didn't care. He was back at the breast. I thought I was going to cry. I held it back though. I didn't want him to think I was sad. So I talked with him and kissed his little face and head like crazy. And he didn't need the nipple shield!!!

I didn't get a picture of the happy moment. There had been times before that where he latched for a second. But this was my biggest success so far. I am able to keep that in my mind and know that it will be a daily occurrence for us and not just an every now and then event. I cannot wait until it seems like all we do is breastfeed together. I wish I could be one of those moms that can complain about how much her child wants to be at the breast. I wish I was loosing sleep to nurse him rather than the pump! I know my day will come. I just wish that day was today!

On July 12, 2008 he latched with the nipple shield. After he bit me I decided to use it to be safe. I don't want to ruin all the progress if he injures me and I have to take a break due to pain. My husband was there to watch as well. It was so nice. I told him to get the camera. He flew down the stairs and back up them. So I now have a picture to look at as a constant reminder that this can work and this will work. I am able to see what I have accomplished.

Now since then it seems like all I have done is take steps back where nursing is concerned. I can only get him to bite. He keeps rejecting my breasts. This is why I need help. I don't know what else to do. I do the skin-to-skin and offer him the breast as much as I can. There are other things too. All I know is that I am not going to give up. I love my son and I want to do what is best for both of us.

I think this catches everything up. From now on my updates will be more timely. I hope that they are all happy ones. I really want my story to be an inspiration to myself and others. I want to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to and I want to show others that this is an obtainable goal. I just don't know how soon I am going to be able to prove this. Soon I hope...

The Good Lactation Consultant

2008-07-27T12:03:00.002-04:00

This woman is truly amazing. She helped us as much as she could my last day in the hospital as well as my son's last day in the hospital. She took the time and sat with all of us to make sure I felt comfortable with what I was doing. She acted like I was her first priority. It made me feel like I knew what I was doing and that everything was going to be alright. I was so stressed over his weight and she made me forget. Plus the fact that he was packing the weight back on as soon as my milk came in!

She also taught the breastfeeding class I took before my son was born. She did a wonderful job. We had these plastic babies and she made sure we all positioned properly. She was very attentive and walking around the class the whole time. She wanted to make sure we all got off to the best start possible. If only she had been on call my first weekend. I am going to call her when we have baby #2 and make sure she is there to help me!

So after I went home and had problems I made the mistake of not calling her. I didn't think she would have come out to my house. I just didn't see that as an option. Thing is, she makes it an option. She wants breastfeeding to work for everyone and is willing to do what is needed to make it happen. I have learned this one the hard way.

I finally got the courage up to contact her after not saying boo for months. So on Tuesday, July 8, 2008 I sent her an e-mail letting her know what happened and what I wanted to do. She called me the next day and APOLOGIZED for not being able to call me the day before (she was off that day). She talked with me for about 10 minutes on the phone and then told me to come over there and talk to her for a while so we can make a plan.

On Wednesday, July 9, 2008 we started our plan. She said for me to switch to NUK nipples. They are the most like mothers breasts in the mouth. She said for me to pump at least 8 times a day. This weekend you are going to pump EVERY two hours. We want to get your supply up. And offer the breast to your son when he is hungry. We want to get your nipples as much stimulation as possible. On Monday, bring your son in and we will talk and plan the next week.

I continued to pump at least 8 times a day. I tried to offer him the breast every time he was hungry. All he would do is put it in his mouth and talk to it or sit there. He really didn't get it. He didn't remember that is where the food comes from. I would even express some and he would look at me like you want me to do what?

Then on Thursday...he got his first two teeth in. I thought this would wait until six months...nope! He was four months and 9 days old! So on Saturday I got him to latch on and then he bit me a few times. I switched sides and he refused. From this point forward I now have teething working against me. But I will not be given anything I can't handle. We will make it past this hurtle too!

On Monday we went in to see the lactation consultant. She talked with me about how things were going. We played with the baby and tried to get him to breastfeed. He wasn't having it he kept refusing the breast. So I got the bottle out. She showed me how to try to feed him in more of a breastfeeding position.

For the next week I was to work on skin-to-skin, taking baths with him, and use the lactation aid with the nipple shield since he wants the plastic right now. I was to fill the nipple with milk before latching him. So each time I tried it he would scream his head off and start flailing all over. It was a very frustrating week. I would sing to him, play with him, and kiss all over him to try to keep BOTH of us calm. It is really hard work. I know that it is and will continue to be. I had just thought I might get one good day! But I didn't.

I didn't get a chance to contact the lactation consultant until this past Wednesday. I wrote her to let her know how the weekend went. She is at the National Lactation Conference. She will be back on Tuesday. She told me to keep trying with just the nipple shield since my supply is going up so much. She said that she has some more things she wants to try. She is also going to tell them about my situation and see if they can give some more help. She is helping me so much. It means the world to me that she is doing all this for me and my son!

So this weekend I have tried every chance I get to get him to take the breast. It is an uphill battle. He keeps refusing the breast. He has had months of a bottle where all he needs to do is swallow and is now being asked to suck and swallow for his food. I don't know about you, but I think most people would want to do what is easiest. But I will not give up and I cannot force him or I will be back behind square one!

I need to take things slow and stay confident that Kenneth will get it soon! I really want to do this for my son and for myself. And if my story is able to help others, then that is just the icing on the cake. I do want to show that it will work. I want to be one of the mothers that says that I struggled and made it. I NEVER gave up!

Support

2008-07-26T15:16:00.002-04:00

I was worried about this. I thought that people were going to think I was crazy to try again. I was really worried about work. When I told my supervisor what I wanted to do she was all for it. I had some issues with the first room that they offered me to pump in. So she brought it up in a meeting to get me a better place. So I now have an unused office that I use three times a day. It will be four times a day once I switch to working four 10 hour days in place of my five 8 hour days. This means that I will have one more full day to work with my son on breastfeeding. When I found out about this I was as happy as can be. The fact that my supervisor was so proud of me meant a lot. I think it means more than even she realizes.

Now there have been some negative comments. Such as when I told my co-worker that I was going to be working on my supply. He response, "you aren't trying to breastfeed again are you?" I just told her yes and left it at that. Then one of the other mothers at work, who had a baby boy too, told me not to worry about it. She has come around. She asks me how it is going every time she sees me. She had supply issues and is no longer breastfeeding. I think she made it to 6 months. But I have to realize that there are going to be negative comments and I have to let them go.

Now as far as family goes, I haven't told them all. A lot of them think it is wonderful and are on the fence at the same time. They are just worried about me. They don't want me to run myself into the ground trying. They are all just trying to be supportive in their own way...even if I don't always see it that way. But now that they see things are going so well where my supply is, they are more on board with it. But there are still the why can't you just pump comments. Can you tell it was a man that said that...one that doesn't understand the breastfeeding bond. I love my husband dearly...but he just doesn't get it sometimes. He is getting there though. He really is trying to understand what I am going through and why. And that is really all I ask.

Then there are my online friends. The support, advice, help...the list goes on is just over flowing. They really help to give me the strength I need in order to achieve my goal. I will never be able to think them enough. They are the reason I am writing this blog. They told me to tell my story so I am. I just hope that my words are able to help others the way their words help me.

So I have the majority of the help I need. This leads me to the helping hands that I need. This brings me to the good lactation consultant...

Pumping

2008-07-25T19:22:00.004-04:00

So I started to pump a few times a day to get something started. I was getting a small little drop right at the nipple. I then got some Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle to take until my medicine came in the mail. I then started to get larger drops each day at the nipple. And this was just pumping a few times a day.

Then the day my medicine came everything started to come together. It was a Saturday morning. My son and I were going to go check the mail when the mail truck stopped in front of our house. He brought a package for me to sign for. I felt like it was Christmas morning. I opened the package and started to take the Motilium that afternoon.

I had to work that weekend as well. So I pumped for the first time at work just to get the feel of it. I was making sure that I was pumping AT LEAST 8 times a day and always shooting for more. I pumped 3 times a day at work and at least 5 at home. What were my results you ask :) See for your self:

7/10/08 16.5 ml (.56 oz)
7/11/08 39.5 ml (1.34 oz)
7/12/08 52.75 ml (1.78 oz)
7/13/08 86.25 ml (2.92 oz)
7/14/08 112.75 ml (3.81 oz)
7/15/08 158.5 ml (5.36 oz)
7/16/08 186.25 ml (6.3 oz)
7/17/08 222.25 ml (7.52 oz)
7/18/08 233.75 ml (7.9 oz)
7/19/08 273 ml (9.23 oz)
7/20/08 329 ml (11.12 oz)
7/21/08 364.75 ml (12.33 oz)

7/24/08 501 ml (16.94 oz)

I didn't always keep track after that. I could take a look at the bottles I pumped into and see. But at this point I am really happy with the progress! I think I might measure some this weekend and update this post. I feel so blessed that my supply has increased so much. There are some women that do more than me and are only able to get drops.

In the morning after my longest stretch of sleep I pump 4 oz total. I love seeing the little 2.7 oz tubes fill! I now have a stash to be able to give my son nothing but breast milk this weekend. I can't even explain how happy that makes me. This is really working. Now if I could only get everyone to back me up and my son to latch...

Dr. Jack Newman

2008-07-23T21:09:00.003-04:00

A little before June 20, 2008 some friends on a board were talking about their supply. It hurt me a lot to read about how wonderful things were going for the breastfeeding mothers. I felt like it was a special club that I couldn't be a part of. I felt like I had been cheated out of my chance to be able to talk about breastfeeding my son at home, nursing in public for the first time and all the funny stories about spraying your child in the face because of your let down. But I had no happy stories to tell and no pictures to share. I would look at all the pictures and wishing I could share that bond with my son. So I asked the question: Is it possible to re-lactate. And one person in particular said yes and write Dr. Jack Newman for help! Bless her for pushing me in the right direction.

So I sent him an e-mail. In less than 24 hours I had this response:

Dear Ms. B,

Actually, you can breastfeed on the birth control pill. The problem is that it may decrease the milk supply in some women, but your supply has already gone.

I must say I would not have handled your situation as you describe. In the first place, I’m against judging breastfeeding by % weight loss, which to me is a meaningless concept. I am also against nipple shields. I think they do nothing but undermine the breastfeeding, but make it seem as if breastfeeding is working. And that’s just for starters, but it’s also in the past.

So, stop the birth control pill and start domperidone. See below and attached.

And, yes, it's possible to restart, but it is best to get good hands on help.

If the baby will take the breast, anything is possible. In that case, see the website www.drjacknewman.com (this site is temporarily not working; in the meantime, see www.gentlemothering.ca instead) and find the Protocol to increase breastmilk intake by the baby, attached, and use the video clips at the websites above to help you use the Protocol.

At the same site, find:

When Latching
Breast compression
Using a lactation aid
Cabbage leaves, herbs and lecithin
Domperidone 1 and 2

Domperidone could be helpful in this situation, but should be used in conjunction with the Protocol, not as a "magic bullet". Contact your physician to get a prescription.

Attached to this email are the following early draft chapters from my book on the Latch.

What is a good latch
Not enough milk

If the baby does not take the breast, increasing the milk supply with domperidone will help the baby start taking the breast. Also, see the attached chapter on breast refusal (section on nursing strikes). This is not a nursing strike, but take the approach in this chapter on how to deal with a nursing strike. That is, take the baby into bed at night, with the baby in a diaper only and you undressed from the waist up. During the day, carry the baby around with you in a sling, with the breast available. Do not try to force the baby to take the breast. This is futile. If the baby will feed from an open cup (not a sippy cup) or a spoon or syringe, this may help.

For general breastfeeding information, see www.drjacknewman.com. (For the moment see www.gentlemothering.ca instead)

See also my book, Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding (HarperCollins, 2nd revision 2005) as it's called in Canada, or The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers as it's called in the US (now out in a new edition, as of November 2006).

I now also have a new book out, published by Hale Publishing, called The Latch and other keys to Successful Breastfeeding. Ordering information is available at www.ibreastfeeding.com

We have an instructional DVD for breastfeeding called Dr. Jack Newman’s Visual Guide to Breastfeeding. For a preview and more information, see www.drjacknewman.com. Though this site is down now, you can still get the DVD by emailing dvd@drjacknewman.com.

Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC

We no longer receive government funding for our clinic and are constantly on the edge of having to close. If you value this service, please consider a donation to the Canadian Breastfeeding Foundation (registered charity) and earmark the donation for the Newman Breastfeeding Clinic and Institute. You can donate through their website http://www.canadianbreastfeedingfoundation.org/

I did take parts of the e-mail out. The information here is still really great. If you are having troubles, I suggest you write him about your situation and get a response.

After this e-mail I purchased his DVD and books. I think they are a must have for any woman who wants to have a child. I wish I had read them before. I once again do not think I would be in this situation if I had read his books.

I then looked into purchasing Domperidome (Motilium). A friend of mine had to use it as well. She gave me a link to a site she trusted. I placed my order, stopped the pill and started to pump again...

My incision became infected

2008-07-22T21:44:00.003-04:00

When my son was about a week and a half to two weeks I woke up to my incision oozing, red, puffy and painful. I was thinking the worst. I thought that I was going to have to go back into the hospital and that I wasn't going to be able to continue to breastfeed.

I was given more pain medicine, antibiotics, and had to be wicked twice a day. Wicking is basically stuffing the infected pocket with a gauze string to try to get it to drain. I had to do this for around 2-3 weeks. I felt so trapped. As long as I was on pain medicine I shouldn't be getting out and about. This made it imposible for me to get breastfeeding help.

My son started to reject the breast all together around 3 weeks. He would just cry and cry. I was getting tense and didn't know what to do. I wasn't getting all of the help I needed at home to make it work. I would try to pump as much as I could. But I had a crying baby to calm and pumping just couldn't happen. I was able to pump 3-4 times a day. I would finger feed my son everything I could and the rest was formula.

By four weeks he wouldn't get anywhere near my bare breast. So I gave up and gave him what I could in a bottle. I asked for help at the doctors office when I went to get my incision checked. I was told to just pump more.

So for a week more I watch my supply go to NOTHING...not even a drop. I cried so much. I felt like I had failed to give my son what he needed. I wanted to be the best mother ever and I felt like I was in line for the worst mother award. I had switched to formula. It has its place I just didn't think it was for me.

Ever since my supply went to nothing I was thinking of ways that I could correct my error. I was looking in to milk banks and such. It wasn't until I was back to work full time that I thought what about adoptive mothers. They are able to lactate, so why can't I re-lactate...

The Bad Lactation Consultant

2008-07-22T21:15:00.003-04:00

I kept being told that a lactation consultant was going to come and see me. I didn't meet the first one until around the 24 hour mark. She came into the room. Sat with me for a few minutes while I tried to get my son to latch well. She said that she was going to get me something that would help. She gets me a nipple shield. She shows me how to use it. She sits with me for another few minutes after my son latched on to plastic and then leaves.

So here I am trusting this woman. I keep asking everyone for help. My son's weight is going down and he doesn't want to latch. He will not take the breast without the shield and I am starting to feel like a failure. I didn't have the birth I wanted and now it is feeling like breastfeeding is doomed. I am still determined to make it work. I keep being told that the lactation consultant is going to come see me. I never saw her again! And I hope I never do!

I had nurses trying to help me. Each one telling me something different. At some point one of them got me a breast pump to use to help get my milk to come in since my son didn't want anything to do with my breasts. I could tell something was wrong and no one knew what to tell me. Bless the nurses hearts...but they didn't know enough to be able to help me.

My next to last night we caved and let them finger feed him formula. They were talking about keeping him longer due to him loosing weight. All I wanted to do was breastfeed my son at home. I didn't want to be in the hospital. All he would do is cry and he wouldn't take the breast. I felt like I had no other choice but to give him formula. He didn't cry anymore and I felt at the time that I did the right thing. I didn't know that I should just keep trying to feed him and deal with the crying. I am a first time mom and I felt so lost. I needed some real help and wasn't getting it!

On my last day in the hospital (my son's next to last) a second lactation consultant comes in. She is the one that lead the breastfeeding class I had taken. She is WONDERFUL! She came in there and got things going. We couldn't get away from the breast shield though. But she worked with me for at least and hour or two. I wish she had been working that weekend. I don't think I would be writing this blog if she had been there since day one.

We had to leave our son in the hospital. It killed me. I pumped all night long every 2-3 hours. The colostrum was changing...my milk was coming in! I didn't think I could have been happier at the time. I thought this was the answer to all my problems. I had milk and so I thought everything was going to be perfect.

We got to the hospital in the morning and got to spend time with our son and I got to breastfeed him a few times with the help of the lactation consultant. He was chugging away with the nipple shield. He was happy and doing so well. I once again thought that things were going to go so well. They weighed him and let him go home with us.

We had his one week check up and he was already over his birth weight in just a few days. The pediatrician says you must be the best breast feeder or you son is or both. I felt like I was doing the right thing and that things were going to go so well and that I would be able to do just fine with the shield.

Life was perfect...

Hello Baby Boy!

2008-07-16T21:34:00.003-04:00

I had planned to have a natural birth. My son had other plans. He was a week over due and showing no real signs that he was going to make an appearance any time soon. I made it to 7 cm and would not go any further. My son was in distress and they said a cesarean was the best option.

On March 1 , 2008 my son Kenneth was born through an unplanned cesarean. The doctors thought he was going to be under 8 lbs. Well, my son was born at 9:04 AM, 9 lbs. 12 oz. and 21.5 inches long. I believe the doctors exact words were "Holy smokes," right before he had to cut me open more to get my son out.

I was able to hold him with assistance on while on the operating table for a minute. It was wonderful. I could not believe my eyes. I was a MOTHER! There was not enough room for me to breastfeed him for the first time in there. So his first feeding was put on hold until I was taken back to my room to recover.

When I held him in my arms I knew I was in love again! It was time to feed him for the first time. He latched on right away with no problem. He showed no signs of wanting to let go. I thought things were going to be so easy from that point forward. Boy was I wrong...